（ that thought goes amorphous, unfinished. it is unusual for him, he means. to bond, to connect, to crave. there is a part of him, one that is lost and has been so for many years, that is desperate for blue's gentleness even as he holds him at arm's length, well aware of how deeply undeserving of it he truly is. it is... a curious dichotomy within himself — one that has never before required redress. he is self-aware enough to know of its existence, and simultaneously entirely willing to turn a blind eye to the position it has put him in, to the fact that he is using blue to grasp at old feelings. it is almost an act of sacrifice, slitting someone's throat just to be warmed by the blood. the altar is his own anguish, lived-in and meteoric. ）
no subject
（ that thought goes amorphous, unfinished. it is unusual for him, he means. to bond, to connect, to crave. there is a part of him, one that is lost and has been so for many years, that is desperate for blue's gentleness even as he holds him at arm's length, well aware of how deeply undeserving of it he truly is. it is... a curious dichotomy within himself — one that has never before required redress. he is self-aware enough to know of its existence, and simultaneously entirely willing to turn a blind eye to the position it has put him in, to the fact that he is using blue to grasp at old feelings. it is almost an act of sacrifice, slitting someone's throat just to be warmed by the blood. the altar is his own anguish, lived-in and meteoric. ）