[ Flynn leans into that touch like a little kid, like a flower toward light. It has been so long since anyone touched him like this, since anyone cupped his head and let him sit like this, terrified and aching and unsure. He realizes with a startle that he can't quite remember when it was. His mother, possibly, but she hadn't touched him much in those final years, preferring her space. Hanks? But he was always the more back-slapping, quick-hug type, and Yuri—
Yuri, painted in his mind, weighed down by expectation.
Flynn wants to protest, but how can he? Yuri is always there, and Flynn expects—
Expects what?
He wants to ask Yuri, but he's not here. Flynn makes a hard sound in his own throat. ]
We have no idea what's happening. He might be, and the longer I sit here—
[that said, the lion shifts, catching onto Blue's intentions. the cat moves partly out of Flynn's lap, nosing the man's cheek before Blue can slip in the open space, rising up off his knees and wrapping his arms around Flynn's shoulders, bringing his face to the Mu's shoulder and returning his hand to the back of his head.]
It's enough. Flynn... [he swallows against a knot of emotion tightening in his throat.] You're doing enough. It...doesn't feel like it. But you are.
Enough that as Flynn is pulled close he goes stiff with surprise for a bare moment, sucking in a breath, and then he realizes he's done it and that Blue is pressing his head forward, letting its weight drop to his shoulder, and...
Flynn can't stay stiff in the face of that. Not even as he wars a moment with whether Blue can take his weight, not when he hasn't been held like this in even longer, most likely, in a way that makes him weak. His nose is squashed against Blue's shoulder, and his arms are warm and firm. After a moment of hesitation, Flynn lifts his own arm, wrapping it tight around Blue in turn, like he's carrying him except it's the other way around, isn't it?
What an odd feeling, not to be taking his own weight, to be close to someone who isn't Yuri. There are no layers of armor between them, and Flynn feels oddly bare for that reason alone, like he is smaller than he should be.
Doing enough, Blue says, and Flynn turns his head just a little, squeezing his eyes shut. ]
You're right. I know that.
[ Small, strained words. Flynn curls his other hand, sword-calloused fingers and all, into the lion's soft mane. ]
Of course you're right. I can't very well... rescue Yuri if I'm barely standing on my feet, but I can't— I almost lost him once, Blue. I can't...
If he comes back there they'll just kill him again. We have to do something.
[ Flynn's own voice is a shaky thing, tears welling up hot and fast. He shoves them down, though, because tears won't save Yuri right now. He can't make himself pull away, can't make himself do anything but lean uselessly on a person he is lucky to have, but he can do that much. Yuri wouldn't appreciate tears. He'd laugh at Flynn for crying, probably, and ask him what his plan was to fix it. ]
[no. not that. not that image. Blue actively pushes against that jeering vision of a Yuri who isn't even here, making an imposition upon Flynn he has, up until now, avoided doing. but right now? Flynn doesn't need to torture himself like this. he's already running on fumes.
sleep, he insists, and with that insistence, the will to press the rest of Flynn's reeling thoughts follows to force the man to give in, to rest. it means having to adjust to compensate for the weight sagging upon him, but with the lion's help, Blue is able to get Flynn into a position on that couch where he can sleep not uncomfortably. it does sap a lot of that free energy simply simmering in Flynn's emotions, so Blue himself has to rest as well, and that's why he winds up sitting on that couch with the man's head in his lap, his fingers still methodically brushing through his hair with a wish that it could prolong the spell he pushed upon him.]
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Yuri, painted in his mind, weighed down by expectation.
Flynn wants to protest, but how can he? Yuri is always there, and Flynn expects—
Expects what?
He wants to ask Yuri, but he's not here. Flynn makes a hard sound in his own throat. ]
We have no idea what's happening. He might be, and the longer I sit here—
no subject
[that said, the lion shifts, catching onto Blue's intentions. the cat moves partly out of Flynn's lap, nosing the man's cheek before Blue can slip in the open space, rising up off his knees and wrapping his arms around Flynn's shoulders, bringing his face to the Mu's shoulder and returning his hand to the back of his head.]
It's enough. Flynn... [he swallows against a knot of emotion tightening in his throat.] You're doing enough. It...doesn't feel like it. But you are.
no subject
Enough that as Flynn is pulled close he goes stiff with surprise for a bare moment, sucking in a breath, and then he realizes he's done it and that Blue is pressing his head forward, letting its weight drop to his shoulder, and...
Flynn can't stay stiff in the face of that. Not even as he wars a moment with whether Blue can take his weight, not when he hasn't been held like this in even longer, most likely, in a way that makes him weak. His nose is squashed against Blue's shoulder, and his arms are warm and firm. After a moment of hesitation, Flynn lifts his own arm, wrapping it tight around Blue in turn, like he's carrying him except it's the other way around, isn't it?
What an odd feeling, not to be taking his own weight, to be close to someone who isn't Yuri. There are no layers of armor between them, and Flynn feels oddly bare for that reason alone, like he is smaller than he should be.
Doing enough, Blue says, and Flynn turns his head just a little, squeezing his eyes shut. ]
You're right. I know that.
[ Small, strained words. Flynn curls his other hand, sword-calloused fingers and all, into the lion's soft mane. ]
Of course you're right. I can't very well... rescue Yuri if I'm barely standing on my feet, but I can't— I almost lost him once, Blue. I can't...
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he gently and methodically strokes at Flynn's hair while the young man struggles with his words.]
Don't treat him...as though he were already lost. Even here...it's not a certainty.
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[ Flynn's own voice is a shaky thing, tears welling up hot and fast. He shoves them down, though, because tears won't save Yuri right now. He can't make himself pull away, can't make himself do anything but lean uselessly on a person he is lucky to have, but he can do that much. Yuri wouldn't appreciate tears. He'd laugh at Flynn for crying, probably, and ask him what his plan was to fix it. ]
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sleep, he insists, and with that insistence, the will to press the rest of Flynn's reeling thoughts follows to force the man to give in, to rest. it means having to adjust to compensate for the weight sagging upon him, but with the lion's help, Blue is able to get Flynn into a position on that couch where he can sleep not uncomfortably. it does sap a lot of that free energy simply simmering in Flynn's emotions, so Blue himself has to rest as well, and that's why he winds up sitting on that couch with the man's head in his lap, his fingers still methodically brushing through his hair with a wish that it could prolong the spell he pushed upon him.]
...I'm so sorry...Flynn...