firstroar | VX. XIMILIA IC CONTACT

Just didn't wanna let you guys down
Or make you feel like I could let you down.
being a liability or - whatever people might think.

But I guess that's not just it
I figured if I ignored it, maybe it'd go away.
Easier than entertaining the thought that maybe I gave myself some brain damage or something dramatic.

[after a couple minutes:]

I'm sorry, Newt.
The choices we make can dictate the consequences we face, and sometimes our best intentions cannot overcome the circumstances.
If anyone here understands the strain of liability, I think I can commiserate. But I think you will find there are far better people here to assure you of the nonsense that is in your regard.

Whatever it is you are facing is something you can do with our help.
That presence has no business there.

Right.
No, I know. I do. It's just
yeah
You're right, though.

And it's a presence... kinda?
Or in theory, anyway.
I think I know what you might've dealt with.
Did you see it? The kaiju?
The first time I had a seizure, it was a lot like that.

I felt it.
Is it the same as shape from your nightmares? I wasn't sure if I was making that connection solely because it was from you or not.
It was similarly quick to lash out.

Could've been
could've been multiple kaiju.
I've been in all their heads, technically.

I had entered their minds before to get important information, info that helped stop them from killing humanity, you know? But I think it mightve
fried my brain a little
short-circuited it.

What you saw was a lot like how it felt to enter their minds.
It's an overload. And then they knew I was there, it got worse.
They didn't want me there, either.

Without any inherent telepathic abilities of your own... [newt ur actually insane]
That was a tremendous risk...I'm amazed you survived at all.

Yeaaaah... kinda was 50/50 on whether I was gonna make it or not
It wasn't my best day at self-preservation
But fortune favors the brave

Mostly.

[Absolutely certifiably insane, yes.]

Good news, it helped me save the planet!
So worth it, right?
If i end up with a seizure disorder, that's a kind of small price in comparison, isn't it???
And it WORKED, everyone said I couldn't do it but I DID

I understand. [Blue, too, is drawn to doing fatalistic bullshit to save his species, so he can't really cast stones can he?]
But that part is over...and you have to care for yourself well after the fact.

Easier said than done I guess.
I've always been kind of bad at thinking about my health
uh, I guess I just always figured whatever happens happens.

Kind of stupid thought process but I never claimed to have a PhD in common sense.
Finally old enough that it's exhausting, what a milestone.

What about you? People're making sure you're good?
What happened to YOU?

[well now whatever happens means like 20 different people yell at you so take THAT as u will bud]

Your thoughts had suddenly cut out...
When I came to investigate, you had already fallen. I reached out to find you and it lashed out at me instead.

[Ooooh, yeah... he's gonna get an earful alright... Rest in piss, Newton.]

right...
You might've gotten a face-full of drift.
The kaiju is a really complex system of creatures, drifting with them, it's
different than drifting with a human
their minds are all connected

I think I'll always have a little part of them with me
That's kind of the scary thing.
But I think uh
I think medicine can help
until Bones figures out a way to 'cure' the physical effects its had on me
if there's such a thing.

It hurt you, though?
like, physically???

No. It was all psionic.
My understanding is that there were no visible signs of the presence from human eyes, only a feeling of dread.

That's a relief
I was worried that
I mean, I don't know exactly how your abilities work
I thought maybe things hurt you differently

It was a...... bad time, so I'm guessing I contributed a lot to that dread
I was kind of stuck in images from the drift for a while.
So I'm guessing we saw the same things at the same time.

[blue: newt maybe don't downplay your pain
also blue: maybe i won't mention having my psyche clawed up like a cat tower]

It's possible.
I don't think it's safe to confirm right away.

Buddy, I don't think it's safe to confirm at ALL
Like, you're 1000% not going back into my brain to check
I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself because of my issues.