I've forward the warnin' about those damn hellhounds to a dude who was lookin' into the mines. Ya know. Just in case.
It would be safest to take care of them from the inside, but that would immediately alert Olexa something is going on. No win there, only stocking on dog food.
Ya okay there? That shit stays with ya.
It would be safest to take care of them from the inside, but that would immediately alert Olexa something is going on. No win there, only stocking on dog food.
Ya okay there? That shit stays with ya.
Ey blue, hi! Are you in your room? I need to tell you something but I'd like to do it in person.
[Once Newt is in the infirmary, Daisy leaves to find Blue.]
Holy SHIT
where are you?
[Please. Please be okay.]
Holy SHIT
where are you?
[Please. Please be okay.]
like 1-2 days after The No Good Very Bad Time on Dec 10th
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
groupiedrifter
2021-12-08 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[Newton had been out of it for a while, especially that first day. It's not until a while later that he's actually, y'know, informed that Blue was even there; he had no memory of the guy, had no idea that something had happened to him on top of everything else. But apparently it wasn't good, and the guilt Newt's feeling over that has got him all in knots on top of the, uh, life threatening parts.
So the moment he's capable enough and not in a mental haze of exhausted bafflement, he sends Blue a message from his hospital bed in the infirmary.]
I heard you were there
I'm sorry dude
I hope you didnt get hurt bad trying to help me
[He'd never forgive himself if this, like, sent Blue into some awful health tailspin somehow. His mind is coming up with all of the worst case scenarios. Honestly, he feels like a garbage person for even letting it get this far; it's on him, he's gotta be accountable for his stupidity, right?]
So the moment he's capable enough and not in a mental haze of exhausted bafflement, he sends Blue a message from his hospital bed in the infirmary.]
I heard you were there
I'm sorry dude
I hope you didnt get hurt bad trying to help me
[He'd never forgive himself if this, like, sent Blue into some awful health tailspin somehow. His mind is coming up with all of the worst case scenarios. Honestly, he feels like a garbage person for even letting it get this far; it's on him, he's gotta be accountable for his stupidity, right?]
Edited 2021-12-08 19:06 (UTC)
（ and because he knows blue is in A State, this is the story of how (to escape the party after clara hijacked him) he brings him his stocking.
and a glass of eggnog, which those he spoke with assured him was festive.
knock-knock you sad motherfucker. ）
and a glass of eggnog, which those he spoke with assured him was festive.
knock-knock you sad motherfucker. ）
（ blue may notice a Presence outside his door at some point on christmas day. it's there for no more than a second before it's gone again.
if he happens to investigate, he is going to find a tiny origami turtle. the symbol for longevity, good luck, and support. ）
if he happens to investigate, he is going to find a tiny origami turtle. the symbol for longevity, good luck, and support. ）
[Blue's gift is wrapped in dark blue paper and tied with a silver ribbon. Inside is... another sweater, this one in soft pastels, along with a pair of sheepskin slippers. There is also a charm of braided silver wire, with Charter marks gliding over the metal... which probably makes it very obvious who this gift is from.]
[Happy holidays! Blue will receive some nature documentaries about Earth. Just random ones, so one could be about the ocean and one could be about following a herd of elephants]
I hope you like these. Not quite as good as being there, but at least you can see it for yourself. ~ Kaidan
I hope you like these. Not quite as good as being there, but at least you can see it for yourself. ~ Kaidan
[Blue will find a small box filled with a freshly baked tiramisu inside and a note that reads:]
I am indebted to your selflessness.
-Dr. Hermann Gottlieb
I am indebted to your selflessness.
-Dr. Hermann Gottlieb
[ It's been a long, pleasant and busy day but Yzak isn't done with it quite yet. A busy day means he didn't have a chance to drop off some gifts that he'd meant to, so later that night, once things have wound down and everyone is either passed out from partying too hard or getting settled to call it night, he's on the move. And knocks on Blue's door lightly. ]
It's me.
[ He's holding a couple of things under his arm. ]
It's me.
[ He's holding a couple of things under his arm. ]
[ It's early in the evening when Jim reaches out to Blue; this time sending him a message over the network, if only because he doesn't have as easy a time linking to Blue's mind of his own accord, but he'll adapt to whatever's easiest for Blue, really. ]
Hi, Blue. I've been wondering if Mu ever listen to music. Have you heard any while on the station? I've been collecting some music since I got here, and I thought it'd be nice to share some with you, if you'd be interested. Anyway, let me know when you've got the time.
Hi, Blue. I've been wondering if Mu ever listen to music. Have you heard any while on the station? I've been collecting some music since I got here, and I thought it'd be nice to share some with you, if you'd be interested. Anyway, let me know when you've got the time.
（ it is perhaps nine in the morning — late for him, but he is being mindful of the fact that not everyone is awake as perilously early as he is.
blue will hear somethingin the drift telepathically — a mild and singular utterance of his name. itachi is not a psychic, but he has extraordinary discipline, and is keenly meditative. he is in fact sitting agura on his bed, body lax and chakra focused, hands held in the zenjō-in position. ）
blue will hear something
[ From here: ]
[ Oh, he's going to die. There's more than just some fluster at their new lodging setup ... though at least there's room enough that they can both fit comfortably without too much of a fuss. He TRIES not to let his stupid awkwardness fluster him too badly, but he can't help it, he's stupid.
He doesn't actually need to rest like Blue does, so when he goes down Yzak does as intended, helping their host Miss Minerva do some cleaning out of appreciation for her hospitality toward the both of them. She fusses about "Betsy" and Yzak ensures her that she's fine, he'll look after her, they'll come visit before they take their leave if they don't come back to stay.
With the new (relieving) food situation, Yzak spends some of his time during the day taking advantage of that. Snake is ... new to deal with, but he can manage and flavor what he gets enough to bring back with him to have around. He's a soldier, so "toughing it" so to speak isn't a big deal for him. As long as he can eat and not have to worry about the well being of the team in that regard anymore. ]
He's still sleeping?
[ When Yzak returns later that evening, he finds Blue still out of it, raising his eyebrows. He really did crash, huh. But they did have a long and stressful night, and Yzak finds when he returns that he's pretty tired himself after it all.
Quietly, Yzak gets changed and ready for bed, to let Blue rest as much as he needs to. He carefully slips in under the covers next to him, feeling his face heat up the tiniest bit despite NOTHING BEING WEIRD ABOUT THIS AT ALL!!! He settles on his back, staring up at the ceiling... hoping that all of these stupid thoughts aren't going to accidentally wake Blue up or something. A glance to him snoozing away on the bed, the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathes ... and then back up to the ceiling. It's awkward, but ... not terrible, listening to someone else steadily breathing next to him like this in the quiet. No, not just someone else, it's nice that it's Blue.
He doesn't move otherwise, because Blue's not even awake. But once Yzak finally dozes off himself, the subconscious knows what it wants, so it doesn't take long after that for him to roll over in his sleep and seek the other out, arm draping around Blue to pull him close. He tips his head in to nuzzle into his hair.
Yzak's dreams vary, so they're not always bad, not always good. Usually more terrible than wonderful, though, if you compare the more extreme ones. The last few nights though, be it from their close proximity, Yzak's constantly running brain, or maybe both, Blue's been on his mind a lot more. It makes sense, as he's still mentally reeling a bit himself, trying to really grasp these feelings, figure them out, what they mean, what he does from here, where he goes from here. And all of that ... on a time limit. Doubts and whispers to counter those doubts both increasing in volume every time his mind wanders that way. Wanting to reach for more and wondering if doing so will only strengthen that already pretty intense affection ... worried to reach for more, because fear or failure and rejection plague him in every way and if he starts feeling stronger that could be dangerous...
He's pretty taken by Blue, and even before that really clicked for him he was already pretty softly affable with him. The fact that through all of this he's not only reciprocated but even pulled Yzak back when he flinched away, it's drawn him in even more. Because when he thinks of what he really wants when it comes to matters of affection, attraction, romance, all of that, it is something just like this, isn't it? Naturally feeling yourself gravitate toward someone else, nothing forcing you into it, and to have them move toward you as well.
That's why he dreams of Blue tonight. That, and before actually falling asleep he was all that was on his mind, and sometimes that just happens. Dreams also lack some of the infringing that the issues of the real world cause, so in a dream like this there's less to doubt, thus the way Yzak more assuredly puts his fingers through Blue's hair as he leans in to kiss him, confidence high and flustering low as his other hand rests on his hip, pulling him close.
...
Yzak in his own dreams (when they're not lucid) thinks he's a lot more suave and romantic and cool than he is in real life. ]
[ Oh, he's going to die. There's more than just some fluster at their new lodging setup ... though at least there's room enough that they can both fit comfortably without too much of a fuss. He TRIES not to let his stupid awkwardness fluster him too badly, but he can't help it, he's stupid.
He doesn't actually need to rest like Blue does, so when he goes down Yzak does as intended, helping their host Miss Minerva do some cleaning out of appreciation for her hospitality toward the both of them. She fusses about "Betsy" and Yzak ensures her that she's fine, he'll look after her, they'll come visit before they take their leave if they don't come back to stay.
With the new (relieving) food situation, Yzak spends some of his time during the day taking advantage of that. Snake is ... new to deal with, but he can manage and flavor what he gets enough to bring back with him to have around. He's a soldier, so "toughing it" so to speak isn't a big deal for him. As long as he can eat and not have to worry about the well being of the team in that regard anymore. ]
He's still sleeping?
[ When Yzak returns later that evening, he finds Blue still out of it, raising his eyebrows. He really did crash, huh. But they did have a long and stressful night, and Yzak finds when he returns that he's pretty tired himself after it all.
Quietly, Yzak gets changed and ready for bed, to let Blue rest as much as he needs to. He carefully slips in under the covers next to him, feeling his face heat up the tiniest bit despite NOTHING BEING WEIRD ABOUT THIS AT ALL!!! He settles on his back, staring up at the ceiling... hoping that all of these stupid thoughts aren't going to accidentally wake Blue up or something. A glance to him snoozing away on the bed, the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathes ... and then back up to the ceiling. It's awkward, but ... not terrible, listening to someone else steadily breathing next to him like this in the quiet. No, not just someone else, it's nice that it's Blue.
He doesn't move otherwise, because Blue's not even awake. But once Yzak finally dozes off himself, the subconscious knows what it wants, so it doesn't take long after that for him to roll over in his sleep and seek the other out, arm draping around Blue to pull him close. He tips his head in to nuzzle into his hair.
Yzak's dreams vary, so they're not always bad, not always good. Usually more terrible than wonderful, though, if you compare the more extreme ones. The last few nights though, be it from their close proximity, Yzak's constantly running brain, or maybe both, Blue's been on his mind a lot more. It makes sense, as he's still mentally reeling a bit himself, trying to really grasp these feelings, figure them out, what they mean, what he does from here, where he goes from here. And all of that ... on a time limit. Doubts and whispers to counter those doubts both increasing in volume every time his mind wanders that way. Wanting to reach for more and wondering if doing so will only strengthen that already pretty intense affection ... worried to reach for more, because fear or failure and rejection plague him in every way and if he starts feeling stronger that could be dangerous...
He's pretty taken by Blue, and even before that really clicked for him he was already pretty softly affable with him. The fact that through all of this he's not only reciprocated but even pulled Yzak back when he flinched away, it's drawn him in even more. Because when he thinks of what he really wants when it comes to matters of affection, attraction, romance, all of that, it is something just like this, isn't it? Naturally feeling yourself gravitate toward someone else, nothing forcing you into it, and to have them move toward you as well.
That's why he dreams of Blue tonight. That, and before actually falling asleep he was all that was on his mind, and sometimes that just happens. Dreams also lack some of the infringing that the issues of the real world cause, so in a dream like this there's less to doubt, thus the way Yzak more assuredly puts his fingers through Blue's hair as he leans in to kiss him, confidence high and flustering low as his other hand rests on his hip, pulling him close.
...
Yzak in his own dreams (when they're not lucid) thinks he's a lot more suave and romantic and cool than he is in real life. ]
（ you pull a body from the water. its skin is cold, the color and consistency of candlewax.
you check the wrist anyway, for a pulse. force of habit. you try not to look at the pieces of him that fish have eaten away.
if you're my friend, shisui had said, in a steady voice, you won't try and stop me.
you watched him fall. all the way down. you know he was still alive when he hit the water, you could feel his chakra. but he never surfaced. you waited. you hoped. you wanted him to want to live. you wanted him to put an arm around your shoulders and tell you that everything was going to work out, that he'd handle it, that you weren't alone. you are twelve years old and you feel younger. you're twelve years old and you feel ancient.
the chakra flickers out. it disappears. there is an empty, aching hole where its warmth used to live in you, that you barely noticed at all until its absence.
you find the body days later, when gaseous bloat brings it back to the surface, and you drag it ashore. nothing about this is clean or neat or tidy. you do not remember the last time you were around anything other than a freshly killed corpse, where loosened bowels are the predominant smell over the unmistakable cling of rot. you can't.
you look at it for a long time. this hollow, bloated husk of what used to be your best friend. and you are angry. the feeling takes a moment to identify, one of many that you've tried your best to excise, but once you name it it becomes a conflagration. you are angry. you are furious. you are heartsick and betrayed and terrified and fucking ill with everything you feel, all at once.
you are sick beside the corpse, but you haven't eaten enough to bring up anything but stomach acid and bile. your fingers churn messy in the muck and the dirt and you want to howl into the earth and curse what the river stole from you.
i can't do this alone, you tell the body. but it is silent, and eventually you burn it down to nothing. the gift he gave you, the black fire amaterasu.
you huddle next to the flame as it burns, arms wrapped around your knees. your mind is anything but silent or still, but it's only when the first fingers of dawn peel back the darkness that you move.
__
your want to memorize your father's face.
you know you will. the sharingan is blessed (is cursed) with perfect recall. you will remember every line. every scar. the faint silvering at his temples. you will remember the way he smells and the sound of his laughter and the pride he has always spoken of you with.
you look at him every day for a month like it's the last time.
your parents know something is wrong. you were never emotive, never open, but now you are sullen. your mother tries to ask, is this about shisui-san? and you have to lie to her. no, you say. we weren't close. i hadn't spoken to him since before spring. you are good at it. she believes you.
at night you steal into your little brother's room and watch him sleep, curled on the floor beside his futon, already begging the forgiveness you will never be able to ask for aloud. i'm sorry, you whisper into the dark, again and again and again. forgive me.
__
danzō shimura is an old man. he walks with a cane he does not need. he is stooped and wrapped in bandages, half of his face obscured beneath them. you know that one of shisui's eyes is beneath the bandages. you can almost feel it, that little spark of his chakra left in the world. you fantasize about cutting it out of danzō's head while he begs you for the mercy he did not show shisui.
you must avert civil war. i'm sorry, itachi, there is no other way. this is what shisui would want.
you are not strong enough to fight this man.
if you die, there will be no one standing between he and your brother. you should fight anyway. the cowardice bites at you. but your desire to protect what you have left is stronger than your desire for revenge.
later, you fold shisui's suicide note over and over in your hands, as if by some miracle it will become origami, a thousand cranes, and grant the wish of shisui's return to you.
you put on your armour for the last time.
__
you are standing over three bodies. your mother is slumped over your father, their blood mingles on the mats.
the third of the bodies is breathing, but barely. your vision is blurred. your hands are trembling. the exhaustion of killing dozens of people has set into your bones. killing is hard work. not every blow landed cleanly. not every kinsman died quickly. you are dripping blood on the floor, congealing in messy, glassy ponds.
you put your sword away bloody for the first time. distantly, you are annoyed at yourself. you've ruined the saya.
distantly, you are horrified at yourself, that you care about ruining the saya.
you stand there until madara grabs you roughly and pulls you away. things become a whirlwind, you hold very little thought in your mind except that you cannot let him see you cry. you have your anbu mask back on. it will be the last time you wear this, too.
tears dampen the inside of the mask. you can taste the ones that catch messy on your mouth as you suck hollow gasping breaths. everything around you smells like salt and shit and death and you want to die more acutely than you ever have before in your life, you want to crawl into the shrine of your ancestors and wail like a child.
your father has asked you to look after sasuke. you will try.
__
the dream darkens. deepens.
you are watching as danzō slits your brother's throat. you should have done everything i asked, he says, sounding contrite as the knife catches on sasuke's trachea. somehow it is not enough to ensure he cannot speak, and you hear him desperately begging you, asking you why even as blood floods down his front and the rictus grin at his throat gapes broadly open.
(it never happened. you went back to konoha a final time to ensure it didn't. yet the terror that builds in you is so absolute, so oppressive that it startles you awake — ) ）
you check the wrist anyway, for a pulse. force of habit. you try not to look at the pieces of him that fish have eaten away.
if you're my friend, shisui had said, in a steady voice, you won't try and stop me.
you watched him fall. all the way down. you know he was still alive when he hit the water, you could feel his chakra. but he never surfaced. you waited. you hoped. you wanted him to want to live. you wanted him to put an arm around your shoulders and tell you that everything was going to work out, that he'd handle it, that you weren't alone. you are twelve years old and you feel younger. you're twelve years old and you feel ancient.
the chakra flickers out. it disappears. there is an empty, aching hole where its warmth used to live in you, that you barely noticed at all until its absence.
you find the body days later, when gaseous bloat brings it back to the surface, and you drag it ashore. nothing about this is clean or neat or tidy. you do not remember the last time you were around anything other than a freshly killed corpse, where loosened bowels are the predominant smell over the unmistakable cling of rot. you can't.
you look at it for a long time. this hollow, bloated husk of what used to be your best friend. and you are angry. the feeling takes a moment to identify, one of many that you've tried your best to excise, but once you name it it becomes a conflagration. you are angry. you are furious. you are heartsick and betrayed and terrified and fucking ill with everything you feel, all at once.
you are sick beside the corpse, but you haven't eaten enough to bring up anything but stomach acid and bile. your fingers churn messy in the muck and the dirt and you want to howl into the earth and curse what the river stole from you.
i can't do this alone, you tell the body. but it is silent, and eventually you burn it down to nothing. the gift he gave you, the black fire amaterasu.
you huddle next to the flame as it burns, arms wrapped around your knees. your mind is anything but silent or still, but it's only when the first fingers of dawn peel back the darkness that you move.
__
your want to memorize your father's face.
you know you will. the sharingan is blessed (is cursed) with perfect recall. you will remember every line. every scar. the faint silvering at his temples. you will remember the way he smells and the sound of his laughter and the pride he has always spoken of you with.
you look at him every day for a month like it's the last time.
your parents know something is wrong. you were never emotive, never open, but now you are sullen. your mother tries to ask, is this about shisui-san? and you have to lie to her. no, you say. we weren't close. i hadn't spoken to him since before spring. you are good at it. she believes you.
at night you steal into your little brother's room and watch him sleep, curled on the floor beside his futon, already begging the forgiveness you will never be able to ask for aloud. i'm sorry, you whisper into the dark, again and again and again. forgive me.
__
danzō shimura is an old man. he walks with a cane he does not need. he is stooped and wrapped in bandages, half of his face obscured beneath them. you know that one of shisui's eyes is beneath the bandages. you can almost feel it, that little spark of his chakra left in the world. you fantasize about cutting it out of danzō's head while he begs you for the mercy he did not show shisui.
you must avert civil war. i'm sorry, itachi, there is no other way. this is what shisui would want.
you are not strong enough to fight this man.
if you die, there will be no one standing between he and your brother. you should fight anyway. the cowardice bites at you. but your desire to protect what you have left is stronger than your desire for revenge.
later, you fold shisui's suicide note over and over in your hands, as if by some miracle it will become origami, a thousand cranes, and grant the wish of shisui's return to you.
you put on your armour for the last time.
__
you are standing over three bodies. your mother is slumped over your father, their blood mingles on the mats.
the third of the bodies is breathing, but barely. your vision is blurred. your hands are trembling. the exhaustion of killing dozens of people has set into your bones. killing is hard work. not every blow landed cleanly. not every kinsman died quickly. you are dripping blood on the floor, congealing in messy, glassy ponds.
you put your sword away bloody for the first time. distantly, you are annoyed at yourself. you've ruined the saya.
distantly, you are horrified at yourself, that you care about ruining the saya.
you stand there until madara grabs you roughly and pulls you away. things become a whirlwind, you hold very little thought in your mind except that you cannot let him see you cry. you have your anbu mask back on. it will be the last time you wear this, too.
tears dampen the inside of the mask. you can taste the ones that catch messy on your mouth as you suck hollow gasping breaths. everything around you smells like salt and shit and death and you want to die more acutely than you ever have before in your life, you want to crawl into the shrine of your ancestors and wail like a child.
your father has asked you to look after sasuke. you will try.
__
the dream darkens. deepens.
you are watching as danzō slits your brother's throat. you should have done everything i asked, he says, sounding contrite as the knife catches on sasuke's trachea. somehow it is not enough to ensure he cannot speak, and you hear him desperately begging you, asking you why even as blood floods down his front and the rictus grin at his throat gapes broadly open.
(it never happened. you went back to konoha a final time to ensure it didn't. yet the terror that builds in you is so absolute, so oppressive that it startles you awake — ) ）
Edited 2022-02-04 05:30 (UTC)
Hey, Blue. (God, I hope this is the right Blue.)
It’s Gwen. I wanted to check up on you after our, uh… Adventure? I guess?
Sorry about hauling you off like I did.
It’s Gwen. I wanted to check up on you after our, uh… Adventure? I guess?
Sorry about hauling you off like I did.
Blue, this is Dr. McCoy.
I'm just checking in, I'd like to see how you're doing when you've got a moment.
I'm just checking in, I'd like to see how you're doing when you've got a moment.
[ Hey babe, you're getting a message. ]
What in the absolute fuck we all have wings!
[ He won't expect an immediate reply, he knows Blue is as busy as they all are, right now. But once he does get a chance to finally get to a safe(r) place and sit for a moment, Yzak can be patient. ]
What in the absolute fuck we all have wings!
[ He won't expect an immediate reply, he knows Blue is as busy as they all are, right now. But once he does get a chance to finally get to a safe(r) place and sit for a moment, Yzak can be patient. ]
Hello Blue. Are you feeling okay? Would you like to meet somewhere?
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