[Blue doesn't answer right away, still trying to reconcile with the guilt he now feels for having laid out that truth to these two women. neither of them should be responsible for it, and knowing it...changes nothing. it just adds a futile reality that they didn't need to have.
upon I'll just be here, his eyes lift and fix on hers. he feels guilty, too, for having to conceal things, but...what could she do in knowing? she already seems a bit lost.]
I will tell you what I know I can. I know that...there is no record of Mu dying a natural death as of yet; I may become the first.
I've been alive...more than three hundred years. And for the last fifteen of them, I was asleep. I had burnt myself out, using my power. And in waking...I had to do it again.
Were I not to have been brought here, I would be dead already.
It's why I can hardly walk. Move on my own. Why I tire so quickly for so long... [his mouth tugs a bit.] All things wear out and break down, after all.
[ as he speaks, marta does her best to piece the puzzles together. mu must be what he is — a species? a designation? — and from what she can tell they must be fairly powerful if none before him have ever died naturally before. it sounds as close to immortality as marta currently knows it. something must have happened to necessitate blue's use of power, and to that extent — not once, but twice. might it have something to do with the regret that brought him here? that's purely conjecture at this point, and it's not as if that really matters. what does matter is that he's here now, slowly breaking down. ]
Maybe, [ she murmurs in quiet response. ] But things can be mended, too. Healed. It's just a matter of knowing how.
[ marta isn't foolish enough to speak in absolutes, not while she remains so wholly in the dark about a lot of blue's circumstance. but she has never known the harm in injecting a little hope, if however futile it may well end up being in the long run. ]
[she isn't wrong to say what she says - to hope as she does. in fact, it does shed a bit of light on the darkness that's been clustering up in Blue's own heart. he's been hanging onto this feeling almost entirely to himself, save for one, and it's a weight that a person isn't meant to carry alone. but how could he lay the whole state of himself out for others now? there are things to do. he has to help. no one would let him help if they knew how bad off he's been!
Blue's expression grows pained with this conflict despite nodding at her words.]
It's possible. I can't say I know for certain, only...listening to my own body. But asking for that help... [he hesitates, a beat ending by a slow exhale.]
I can't lay more worry on those who have been so kind to me. I can't...become a liability, either.
[ it's a feeling marta can sympathize with. finding herself here, among so many others who feel larger than life, she's wondered more than once how she could ever keep up. ]
Nobody ever wants to feel like a burden.
[ her tone remains gentle, but firm. ]
But... you're not well. That fact doesn't change, even with your best intentions. Trust that the people who care about you wouldn't see you any differently. And that they'd want to know. Because you shouldn't have to suffer alone either.
[turns out, many of those larger-than-life sorts can barely keep up with themselves half the time. such is life.
trust them, she says. they'd want to know. she isn't wrong, but...]
Until I know...what can even be done...I don't want them lost in the unknown with me. I don't want...their care and kindness tainted by despair for my sake.
[ marta nods, knowing decisions like these can never be easy. torn between wanting to protect and respect those you care for, but feeling just as hopeless regardless. ]
Until then, you have at least one person who knows. So don't feel like you have to be alone in your own despair, okay?
[her hand hasn't left his wrist, even knowing how some of his power works. yet even without that contact, her convictions are clear, clear as her words.]
If I have anything I can still give...gratitude, at least...
[ she smiles at him, even though he can't see it. resolving to stay until he fully drifts off, marta makes herself a little more comfortable at his side. ]
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upon I'll just be here, his eyes lift and fix on hers. he feels guilty, too, for having to conceal things, but...what could she do in knowing? she already seems a bit lost.]
I will tell you what I know I can. I know that...there is no record of Mu dying a natural death as of yet; I may become the first.
I've been alive...more than three hundred years. And for the last fifteen of them, I was asleep. I had burnt myself out, using my power. And in waking...I had to do it again.
Were I not to have been brought here, I would be dead already.
It's why I can hardly walk. Move on my own. Why I tire so quickly for so long... [his mouth tugs a bit.] All things wear out and break down, after all.
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Maybe, [ she murmurs in quiet response. ] But things can be mended, too. Healed. It's just a matter of knowing how.
[ marta isn't foolish enough to speak in absolutes, not while she remains so wholly in the dark about a lot of blue's circumstance. but she has never known the harm in injecting a little hope, if however futile it may well end up being in the long run. ]
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Blue's expression grows pained with this conflict despite nodding at her words.]
It's possible. I can't say I know for certain, only...listening to my own body. But asking for that help... [he hesitates, a beat ending by a slow exhale.]
I can't lay more worry on those who have been so kind to me. I can't...become a liability, either.
It's a frustrating place to be.
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Nobody ever wants to feel like a burden.
[ her tone remains gentle, but firm. ]
But... you're not well. That fact doesn't change, even with your best intentions. Trust that the people who care about you wouldn't see you any differently. And that they'd want to know. Because you shouldn't have to suffer alone either.
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trust them, she says. they'd want to know. she isn't wrong, but...]
Until I know...what can even be done...I don't want them lost in the unknown with me. I don't want...their care and kindness tainted by despair for my sake.
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Until then, you have at least one person who knows. So don't feel like you have to be alone in your own despair, okay?
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[Blue lifts his eyes to her.]
This isn't...something you need to carry. But...you mean to anyway, don't you.
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But... if you're ever feeling like it's all too much, you don't have to think twice about leaning on me. That's all.
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If I have anything I can still give...gratitude, at least...
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I'll take it.
But compassion doesn't usually come at a cost. Maybe remember that.
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[he nods all the same before closing his eyes.]
Thank you, Marta. For that compassion.
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[ she smiles at him, even though he can't see it. resolving to stay until he fully drifts off, marta makes herself a little more comfortable at his side. ]