（ it's distinctly, painfully familiar. to view one's self as only a tool, the sum of whatever awesome abilities they may have at hand.
there is little he hates more than being vulnerable. sickness made him so, though he hid it an every turn — well aware that sharks can smell blood. if kisame guessed he was dying, he never spoke of it. yet, like a bone that must be broken to be re-set, some things must be... tolerated.
this could, potentially, be a dangerous conversation. he has a keen awareness of such things, a finely-honed sense of awareness to anything that may set some play in motion over which he has little control. blue had been the one to push him to examine what it would truly mean to change, and he is falling back on the realization that he must open himself to accept new experiences if he is to survive the winnowing of his regrets. ）
[Blue looks over once more, unable to keep from trying to probe a bit of intention out of that question - to try to discern the shades of feeling that prompt the question Itachi asks. it's pure instinct, really - wanting to understand.]
It isn't. [a slight shake of his head.] But...it's the most important view. To me.
（ his own thoughts run too parallel to blue's to be of any benefit. but he can recognize how little it matters now, to be useful. shisui would have gone to the ends of the earth for him — and did, at the last. naruto would do the same for sasuke. use is a part of the picture, but not the entirety of it. ）
You are the first person in a decade I have spoken honestly with. （ not about everything. but it's more than anyone else has seen of him here. ） That has nothing to do with being useful — yet it does have value to me.
（ by which he means RIPPING OPEN THIS VULNERABILITY HE DESPISES IN HIMSELF AND SPLAYING IT OUT LIKE BIRD ENTRAILS FOR A DIVINER is nothing and not, you know, that it means nothing to say so. ）
There is one more thing I would like to try, if you think yourself capable.
（ he takes a paper tag and a pen out of his pouch. the paper itself is nothing special, it's simply been infused with a base amount of chakra, and is blank otherwise. generally, they are for explosive tags — but being a fire and genjutsu specialist he does not often require them. ）
In my world, it is very possible for individuals to create new applications of chakra, depending on their aptitudes, abilities and knowledge. I happen to be adequate at fuinjutsu. Sealing techniques.
（ he writes several characters on the paper, which absorbs the ink and briefly glows with the rich, customary red of his chakra before the symbols fade. the ink seems to crawl across the page, coalescing into something perhaps a bit like this.
(minus the frog) ）
I've sealed a small amount of my chakra into this paper. I'm curious as to whether or not you may be able to release it. Put your hand here — （ he indicates the middle of the circle ） and say 'kai'.
（ release. as with the honourifics he stubbornly clings to, he doesn't allow that word to translate either. ）
[what techniques isn't he adequate at? from Blue's perspective, he seems quite the marvel at most anything he shares. he watches and listens quietly, his eyes widening and following the movement of the ink, feeling a little tingle on the back of his neck - that notion that he's witnessing something fascinating and new.
his eyes flick up to Itachi briefly for confirmation before leaning forward, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching, hovering his hand over the page (or setting it flat atop it, if corrected).]
not this time, however. he reaches out and pushes blue's hand down against the symbols, but even then the paper remains inert. itachi frowns at it thoughtfully as if unravelling pieces of a curious puzzle. he does not seem frustrated, more... intrigued.
he lifts a hand up, deftly bites at the side of his thumb and, shifting blue's hand aside adds a drop of blood to the centre of the circular sigil. rather than stain the paper, it too seems to be absorbed and disappear. then: ）
（ in a world where people routinely harm themselves in ways far more dramatic and long-lasting as this and uchiha trade eyeballs like pokemon cards, it doesn't even occur to him that blue might find the sight of blood distasteful. he doesn't react to that soft utterance of his name's first syllable, simply shakes his head and carries on past it. ）
If you were to search for me on the ship with your abilities, what would that feel like to you? Try that, but focus on the paper.
（ it could be that they are simply too incompatible on that level. he can share chakra, but it may well be a one-way conduit, a natural consequence of the sage of six paths doing so once upon a time. or it could be that he needs to continue fine-tuning the seals for it. perhaps if he adds the seal for bird... ）
[Blue would contest he would search for his mind, not...blood, but...but whatever this is isn't psionic, so who's to say how it would truly react to him? after a few seconds more, Blue moves his hand back over and onto that page, his eyelids drooping a bit as he tries to imitate the notion of searching without...actually doing it... like how a person trying to actively blur their own vision, in some way. it's weird.
（ this time, it works. there is a small surge of chakra, reddish orange like the painted smear of a sunset, that flares briefly around blue's hand and is thereafter absorbed.
hm. ）
Interesting.
（ because that's not a worrying thing to hear from the guy using you as a guinea pig or anything...? ）
How do you feel?
（ it shouldn't be dissimilar to the usual method he uses to transfer chakra, but the delivery system is... different, so he cannot say for certain. generally, he has only sealed weapons or techniques — as with amaterasu when he died. ）
[Blue withdraws his hand and looks at it, filled with that same warmth that courses through and fortifies him, invigorates. he lifts his eyes up to Itachi, surprised.]
It's...the same. As when you would...signal with your hands.
[after a moment of just rubbing the pads of his fingers and thumb against each other, he shifts his focus back to the page, curious to see if anything is visibly different.]
（ the page is now curiously blank and completely inert. it looks like nothing else so much as a simple sheet of paper. tags are designed to be reused as necessary, though they do not survive being blown up. given that a shinobi can only carry so much on a mission, it would be wasteful for them to be so easily discarded.
itachi says nothing, simply watches as blue ruminates on the paper. his head is faintly cocked as he observes him. ）
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You speak often of your use to others.
（ it's distinctly, painfully familiar. to view one's self as only a tool, the sum of whatever awesome abilities they may have at hand.
there is little he hates more than being vulnerable. sickness made him so, though he hid it an every turn — well aware that sharks can smell blood. if kisame guessed he was dying, he never spoke of it. yet, like a bone that must be broken to be re-set, some things must be... tolerated.
this could, potentially, be a dangerous conversation. he has a keen awareness of such things, a finely-honed sense of awareness to anything that may set some play in motion over which he has little control. blue had been the one to push him to examine what it would truly mean to change, and he is falling back on the realization that he must open himself to accept new experiences if he is to survive the winnowing of his regrets. ）
Is that the only way you see yourself?
no subject
It isn't. [a slight shake of his head.] But...it's the most important view. To me.
no subject
（ yes, that is a reprimand. you fool. ）
no subject
Do you think...that is what matters most? It may be well and fine...should I feel it...that value... but it isn't always what matters at the time.
Whether or not...my value is perceived...one way or another...I still have to move...within my nature.
no subject
（ his own thoughts run too parallel to blue's to be of any benefit. but he can recognize how little it matters now, to be useful. shisui would have gone to the ends of the earth for him — and did, at the last. naruto would do the same for sasuke. use is a part of the picture, but not the entirety of it. ）
You are the first person in a decade I have spoken honestly with. （ not about everything. but it's more than anyone else has seen of him here. ） That has nothing to do with being useful — yet it does have value to me.
no subject
A decade...? Why?
no subject
That is not relevant to our discussion.
（ ew, don't be sad for him. he was making a point!! ）
no subject
Isn't it? That it would be someone like me...after so long... That has value, too.
no subject
Then consider that perhaps I have no desire to share my reasons.
（ look he can be honest about that too. if... blunt. ）
My point is that if you focus only on where and how you are useful to others, you overlook the moments that matter for other reasons.
no subject
Yet...I won't find them...if I'm not out trying to do what I can. I can't know them...until they're there.
Sitting across from me.
no subject
Yet, the moments you were of greatest use to me personally were also the ones of least impact on how I view you.
（ waking him out of a dream in the castle? broke. talking in their oddly customary spot with a view of the stars? woke. ）
no subject
I'm...glad to know that. Thank you for telling me.
no subject
（ by which he means RIPPING OPEN THIS VULNERABILITY HE DESPISES IN HIMSELF AND SPLAYING IT OUT LIKE BIRD ENTRAILS FOR A DIVINER is nothing and not, you know, that it means nothing to say so. ）
There is one more thing I would like to try, if you think yourself capable.
no subject
what's this, now?] More to do with...your chakra abilities? What is it?
no subject
（ he takes a paper tag and a pen out of his pouch. the paper itself is nothing special, it's simply been infused with a base amount of chakra, and is blank otherwise. generally, they are for explosive tags — but being a fire and genjutsu specialist he does not often require them. ）
In my world, it is very possible for individuals to create new applications of chakra, depending on their aptitudes, abilities and knowledge. I happen to be adequate at fuinjutsu. Sealing techniques.
（ he writes several characters on the paper, which absorbs the ink and briefly glows with the rich, customary red of his chakra before the symbols fade. the ink seems to crawl across the page, coalescing into something perhaps a bit like this.
(minus the frog) ）
I've sealed a small amount of my chakra into this paper. I'm curious as to whether or not you may be able to release it. Put your hand here — （ he indicates the middle of the circle ） and say 'kai'.
（ release. as with the honourifics he stubbornly clings to, he doesn't allow that word to translate either. ）
no subject
his eyes flick up to Itachi briefly for confirmation before leaning forward, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching, hovering his hand over the page (or setting it flat atop it, if corrected).]
...Kai.
no subject
not this time, however. he reaches out and pushes blue's hand down against the symbols, but even then the paper remains inert. itachi frowns at it thoughtfully as if unravelling pieces of a curious puzzle. he does not seem frustrated, more... intrigued.
he lifts a hand up, deftly bites at the side of his thumb and, shifting blue's hand aside adds a drop of blood to the centre of the circular sigil. rather than stain the paper, it too seems to be absorbed and disappear. then: ）
Try again. Reach out with your psionic abilities.
no subject
despite the instruction, Blue hesitates, troubled by what he's seen. he doesn't understand it wholly.]
...What is it...you want me to reach for?
no subject
If you were to search for me on the ship with your abilities, what would that feel like to you? Try that, but focus on the paper.
（ it could be that they are simply too incompatible on that level. he can share chakra, but it may well be a one-way conduit, a natural consequence of the sage of six paths doing so once upon a time. or it could be that he needs to continue fine-tuning the seals for it. perhaps if he adds the seal for bird... ）
no subject
exhale.]
...Kai.
no subject
hm. ）
Interesting.
（ because that's not a worrying thing to hear from the guy using you as a guinea pig or anything...? ）
How do you feel?
（ it shouldn't be dissimilar to the usual method he uses to transfer chakra, but the delivery system is... different, so he cannot say for certain. generally, he has only sealed weapons or techniques — as with amaterasu when he died. ）
no subject
[Blue withdraws his hand and looks at it, filled with that same warmth that courses through and fortifies him, invigorates. he lifts his eyes up to Itachi, surprised.]
It's...the same. As when you would...signal with your hands.
no subject
（ it's a satisfied hm this time. ）
Good. I will ensure you have several of these on the next mission.
（ chakra is an easy thing to give — it replenishes, and he feels... stronger, under the medical care of doctor mccoy. ）
no subject
[after a moment of just rubbing the pads of his fingers and thumb against each other, he shifts his focus back to the page, curious to see if anything is visibly different.]
no subject
itachi says nothing, simply watches as blue ruminates on the paper. his head is faintly cocked as he observes him. ）
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