firstroar: (ᴀɴᴄɪᴇɴᴛ)
sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ BLUE ([personal profile] firstroar) wrote2021-09-03 02:42 pm

VX. XIMILIA IC CONTACT


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blackfire: (Image14343)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
he wants to be cruel. his eyes are the unusual black he takes pains not to show others, but he thinks he probably has enough chakra built up to use tsukuyomi on him — he could pull the memories from his mind (would he win that fight? he isn't certain) and drag him under an ocean.

the black flickers to red, but it's brief, and does not last.

he steps forward, gauging the size of the room by how the air feels close around him, and finally he comes to the edge of the moldering old mattress blue's been sleeping on. he sits down on it, which puts his back to the mu, shoulders rigid with the effort of doing so simple a thing.


It was a long time ago.

he is startled by the gentleness in his own voice. as if it is meant to comfort.
blackfire: (pic#15232647)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)
he exhales, and it trembles perhaps a little more than he would like. he laces his fingers together, turning the ring on his right hand, worrying at its kanji face. the chakra transmitters embedded in it are quiescent now, severed from their source, the wielder of the rinnegan.

he doesn't try to speak again. simply lets blue struggle and marshal himself.
blackfire: (itachi002)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
his fingers twitch faintly.

Please don't ascribe justification to my actions. The choice was mine alone.

he was the one who lifted the sword. he could have run, instead. and has dwelt on that in intervening years — that he could have taken sasuke and left his family to their fate, and it would have changed very little in the end.
blackfire: (pic#15232622)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
his throat is dry, save the taste of old blood. everything feels too close, too hot, too much. he closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe, old tricks to bring himself back to center.

Please. his voice cracks. shame crawls up his spine. Don't.
blackfire: (pic#15232677)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
however blue meant that statement, it cuts the sorrow and the shame away from the anger, leaving it the lone surviving emotion in a vast desert. it has never been too much to bear — even if his father's voice telling him that their pain would be over in an instant and his would persist the whole of his life rings unbidden in his mind.

his fingers curl in against his palms, nails leaving little half-moon indents, bisecting his lifeline.


I don't think you know me well enough to say that.
blackfire: (pic#15365301)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 05:10 pm (UTC)(link)
he had come here stripped bare, raw with old memories and grief like a pressure front. but he has always been skilled at putting things aside when his situation necessitates.

I apologize for disturbing your rest.

his voice is even, scoured of sentiment.

It goes without saying I do not wish any of this known to the others.
blackfire: (pic#15232648)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)
enjoy the coal dust, blue.

itachi is silent for a long while, coiled like a spring. if anything is perceptible of his mental state, it is the tension. his privacy is generally an inviolate thing — he has guarded it so fiercely for so long that he has no idea what to do with having something of himself seen. he had come here to — but even that thought is hazy and uncertain now.


Regardless.

he is still sorry. blue is a gentle person, and itachi knows too well the weight he's given him to carry.
blackfire: (pic#15232667)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)
the silence is, for once, excoriating. it is not always peaceable or pleasant, but it rarely cuts the way it does now, knifeblade hewing to the marrow.

worse than shikamaru's belief is blue trying to intimate that the fault did not lie solely with him. he can rationally pick apart the circumstances of his life and recognize the fact that he was simply a pawn in the hands of those older and more powerful than he had been back then. that he was pushed into an impossible situation, that there was no other choice. refusal would have meant death, and danzō would have moved onto sasuke. the idea of his brother in that man's hands is unconscionable. he would have done worse than orochimaru, who at the very least never pretended decency.

he rubs his left thumb across the opposite palm. he took a kunai through it, many years ago, when tenma was still alive, before he had ever woken his eyes to the red of grief and loss. ​


The death I spoke of. blue will recall it, no doubt. It was in answer to my crimes.

as much as he does not wish to elaborate any further, it is — he would prefer that blue, at the very least, know he did not evade consequence. he never had any intention of doing so — though he regrets using sasuke as he did to engineer it. he had thought it was the only way to bring him peace on the heels of a necessary evil. now... he is older and wiser than he was at thirteen, and he knows better.
blackfire: (pic#15367540)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 07:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I do not know.

he had told shikamaru, if he is able to amend his regret, the one thing he cannot guarantee of konoha's changed history will be danzō shimura's life. there was no point attempting to conceal it — he will rip every stolen sharingan out of the man's body barehanded if he must.
blackfire: (pic#15232654)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
You did not know them.

but it does not surprise him that blue would insist upon it anyway — he is that sort of man.
blackfire: (pic#15232661)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
he did not act alone. madara assisted — his cruel jape about preferring to kill the women because kamui made it easier for him still stings. but having an ally in the murder does not absolve him of half the guilt. if he had not known of madara, he would have done it alone just the same.

after a long moment, he holds out a hand.


Do you wish to?
blackfire: (pic#15232675)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-04 08:31 pm (UTC)(link)
the worst part is that he's well aware it will hurt blue to know — but the only form of connection he has ever been able to make are forged through pain.

there were two hundred and seventy-four uchiha killed that night, and he knew them all. old men and women who had been veterans of the second ninja war, children younger than his brother. killing shisui's father had been so hard —

but the memories he gives to blue are the good ones. itachi, once upon a time, was the pride of his clan. his father was not the only one who felt like his achievements buoyed them up. his kinsmen used to smile at him in the streets, greet him warmly, sneak him sweets when no one else was around. they used to tell him good luck on his missions when he was still a genin, and many of them came by to offer their condolences when his teammate died protecting the daimyo.

his memory is without flaw — every face, every name. people who have now been forgotten, their memories degraded beneath the corrosive heel of time. his infamy has blotted out any accomplishment made by the rest of his clan. he lives alongside madara now, and the rest of the clan is dust.

but he does not give any of that to blue. not the horror, not the hurt. just the sunny days, the good times. the sense of family and camaraderie. they had always been isolated from the village, but it only made them close ranks against the world and turn more to each other. the uchiha are a clan of love so deep it's buried beneath the mantle of the world, and he does not flinch from it in his memory.

but perhaps the ghosts most lovingly crafted are of his parents.

he's tucked against his mother's side as she is visibly pregnant, the swell of her belly blocking him from seeing what she's cooking on the stove. it smells good, like home, and she says ah, i hope your baby brother likes my cooking too! and he, with all the diligent seriousness of a five year old says, of course he will.

his mother's presence is like the sun after a rainshower — gentle warmth, glimmering sun. oh, she was a fierce fighter in her own right, a jōnin who cut her teeth in the third war, but he never saw that side of her — just the woman who used to hum softly as she braided his hair, who made all his favourite foods whenever he returned from a mission, who used to hug him so closely and tell him everything would be all right.

his father, by contrast, was more like the sun in a desert. he could be difficult, and his presence overbearing. but you felt his absence more deeply when he was gone, the lack of warmth made clear by the chill of shifting sand. he was a man of few words, but so many of them were in praise of his boys.

he and his father are sitting on the same dock blue first met him on. they are talking about birds, and fugaku is saying, ah, crows? wise — they will be loyal all your life. they do not touch, nor are they near to one-another, but the love... the love is obvious. and the pride.

generally, he has a tendency to sever his connection with blue abruptly, cruel and cold. now, it's simply a withdrawal. he reclaims his hand, and laces it with his other between his knees.
blackfire: (pic#15369147)

[personal profile] blackfire 2022-02-05 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
in the wake of that sharing he simply feels... hollowed out, empty. exhaustion creeps back in, catching at the edges of his mind like a child might tug at the hem of a parents' shirt to get their attention.

his eyes are dry. he has not cried since that night, and it is not a weakness he wishes to tear open anew. but —


I do not regret what I did.

he might have gone on to be a good person, once. but that possibility is well behind him. he would kill them all again to secure sasuke's future. he would do worse if necessary.

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