Not that he's gonna say that, because Blue has obviously worried enough.]
Honestly Blue, I didn't even know you'd been involved. I don't think you could've possibly done any more harm than what was already going on. But I'm okay, I'll get the proper medical treatment. Bones has me on lockdown in this bed until he knows I'm a clean bill of health or something So don't worry too much about it, I just wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt trying to look in my head.
It's definitely my fault pal but thanks for trying to make me feel better. I knew that the drift messed me up, and I just didn't tell anyone.
I screwed up big time.
[He of course has no clue that something other than him is at work here — that something has influenced him into silence on many occasions. But ah, that's that's the fun o̸f̶ ̷b̵e̵i̷n̸g̶ ̴b̶e̴h̸i̸n̸d̶ ̴̸̮̋t̸̨̋ḧ̶̞e̸̻͐ ̴̞͐š̴̬c̷̼̄e̷̙͆n̸̦̾e̵̙̒s̵̗͌,̷̯̇ ̸̞͘ĩ̵͈͇̜̰̣͑ś̵̻͠n̷̜͉͔̺̅̇'̸̯̭̺͘ẗ̴̡͓̬̮́ ̴̗̯͐̑̐̐͝ḯ̵̗͓̂̾͠t̸̙̯̝̥́͛͐̒̚?̴̺͕̦̺͖̄̽̂̉͝]
Just didn't wanna let you guys down Or make you feel like I could let you down. being a liability or - whatever people might think.
But I guess that's not just it I figured if I ignored it, maybe it'd go away. Easier than entertaining the thought that maybe I gave myself some brain damage or something dramatic.
I'm sorry, Newt. The choices we make can dictate the consequences we face, and sometimes our best intentions cannot overcome the circumstances. If anyone here understands the strain of liability, I think I can commiserate. But I think you will find there are far better people here to assure you of the nonsense that is in your regard.
Whatever it is you are facing is something you can do with our help. That presence has no business there.
Right. No, I know. I do. It's just yeah You're right, though.
And it's a presence... kinda? Or in theory, anyway. I think I know what you might've dealt with. Did you see it? The kaiju? The first time I had a seizure, it was a lot like that.
I felt it. Is it the same as shape from your nightmares? I wasn't sure if I was making that connection solely because it was from you or not. It was similarly quick to lash out.
Could've been could've been multiple kaiju. I've been in all their heads, technically.
I had entered their minds before to get important information, info that helped stop them from killing humanity, you know? But I think it mightve fried my brain a little short-circuited it.
What you saw was a lot like how it felt to enter their minds. It's an overload. And then they knew I was there, it got worse. They didn't want me there, either.
Yeaaaah... kinda was 50/50 on whether I was gonna make it or not It wasn't my best day at self-preservation But fortune favors the brave
Mostly.
[Absolutely certifiably insane, yes.]
Good news, it helped me save the planet! So worth it, right? If i end up with a seizure disorder, that's a kind of small price in comparison, isn't it??? And it WORKED, everyone said I couldn't do it but I DID
I understand. [Blue, too, is drawn to doing fatalistic bullshit to save his species, so he can't really cast stones can he?] But that part is over...and you have to care for yourself well after the fact.
[Ooooh, yeah... he's gonna get an earful alright... Rest in piss, Newton.]
right... You might've gotten a face-full of drift. The kaiju is a really complex system of creatures, drifting with them, it's different than drifting with a human their minds are all connected
I think I'll always have a little part of them with me That's kind of the scary thing. But I think uh I think medicine can help until Bones figures out a way to 'cure' the physical effects its had on me if there's such a thing.
That's a relief I was worried that I mean, I don't know exactly how your abilities work I thought maybe things hurt you differently
It was a...... bad time, so I'm guessing I contributed a lot to that dread I was kind of stuck in images from the drift for a while. So I'm guessing we saw the same things at the same time.
Buddy, I don't think it's safe to confirm at ALL Like, you're 1000% not going back into my brain to check I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself because of my issues.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Not that he's gonna say that, because Blue has obviously worried enough.]
Honestly Blue, I didn't even know you'd been involved.
I don't think you could've possibly done any more harm than what was already going on.
But I'm okay, I'll get the proper medical treatment. Bones has me on lockdown in this bed until he knows I'm a clean bill of health or something
So don't worry too much about it, I just wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt trying to look in my head.
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The thing that lashed out wasn't you.
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but thanks for trying to make me feel better.
I knew that the drift messed me up, and I just
didn't tell anyone.
I screwed up big time.
[He of course has no clue that something other than him is at work here — that something has influenced him into silence on many occasions. But ah, that's that's the fun o̸f̶ ̷b̵e̵i̷n̸g̶ ̴b̶e̴h̸i̸n̸d̶ ̴̸̮̋t̸̨̋ḧ̶̞e̸̻͐ ̴̞͐š̴̬c̷̼̄e̷̙͆n̸̦̾e̵̙̒s̵̗͌,̷̯̇ ̸̞͘ĩ̵͈͇̜̰̣͑ś̵̻͠n̷̜͉͔̺̅̇'̸̯̭̺͘ẗ̴̡͓̬̮́ ̴̗̯͐̑̐̐͝ḯ̵̗͓̂̾͠t̸̙̯̝̥́͛͐̒̚?̴̺͕̦̺͖̄̽̂̉͝]
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You have more than your own strength here.
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Or make you feel like I could let you down.
being a liability or - whatever people might think.
But I guess that's not just it
I figured if I ignored it, maybe it'd go away.
Easier than entertaining the thought that maybe I gave myself some brain damage or something dramatic.
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I'm sorry, Newt.
The choices we make can dictate the consequences we face, and sometimes our best intentions cannot overcome the circumstances.
If anyone here understands the strain of liability, I think I can commiserate. But I think you will find there are far better people here to assure you of the nonsense that is in your regard.
Whatever it is you are facing is something you can do with our help.
That presence has no business there.
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No, I know. I do. It's just
yeah
You're right, though.
And it's a presence... kinda?
Or in theory, anyway.
I think I know what you might've dealt with.
Did you see it? The kaiju?
The first time I had a seizure, it was a lot like that.
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Is it the same as shape from your nightmares? I wasn't sure if I was making that connection solely because it was from you or not.
It was similarly quick to lash out.
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could've been multiple kaiju.
I've been in all their heads, technically.
I had entered their minds before to get important information, info that helped stop them from killing humanity, you know? But I think it mightve
fried my brain a little
short-circuited it.
What you saw was a lot like how it felt to enter their minds.
It's an overload. And then they knew I was there, it got worse.
They didn't want me there, either.
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That was a tremendous risk...I'm amazed you survived at all.
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It wasn't my best day at self-preservation
But fortune favors the brave
Mostly.
[Absolutely certifiably insane, yes.]
Good news, it helped me save the planet!
So worth it, right?
If i end up with a seizure disorder, that's a kind of small price in comparison, isn't it???
And it WORKED, everyone said I couldn't do it but I DID
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But that part is over...and you have to care for yourself well after the fact.
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I've always been kind of bad at thinking about my health
uh, I guess I just always figured whatever happens happens.
Kind of stupid thought process but I never claimed to have a PhD in common sense.
Finally old enough that it's exhausting, what a milestone.
What about you? People're making sure you're good?
What happened to YOU?
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Your thoughts had suddenly cut out...
When I came to investigate, you had already fallen. I reached out to find you and it lashed out at me instead.
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right...
You might've gotten a face-full of drift.
The kaiju is a really complex system of creatures, drifting with them, it's
different than drifting with a human
their minds are all connected
I think I'll always have a little part of them with me
That's kind of the scary thing.
But I think uh
I think medicine can help
until Bones figures out a way to 'cure' the physical effects its had on me
if there's such a thing.
It hurt you, though?
like, physically???
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My understanding is that there were no visible signs of the presence from human eyes, only a feeling of dread.
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I was worried that
I mean, I don't know exactly how your abilities work
I thought maybe things hurt you differently
It was a...... bad time, so I'm guessing I contributed a lot to that dread
I was kind of stuck in images from the drift for a while.
So I'm guessing we saw the same things at the same time.
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also blue: maybe i won't mention having my psyche clawed up like a cat tower]
It's possible.
I don't think it's safe to confirm right away.
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Like, you're 1000% not going back into my brain to check
I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself because of my issues.
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No getting yourself tangled up in my problems
I'll seriously cry into a pillow if you mess yourself up trying.
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The thing about tangles and snares is that they are unexpected by design, yes?
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If I'm flopping around on the floor having some health crisis, avoid my weird damaged brain from now on, okay?
👍👍👍👍
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I will try, Newt.
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I'm kidding
uh, but
Thanks
For trying
For worrying, I mean
And caring.
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