[ Dizzily, strangely grateful for Blue and Lion even if he stumbles back on weak limbs and has to fling a hand out to the doorframe to keep them both upright, Flynn half-clings to him, sucking in hard breaths to try and get his head to stop spinning. ]
Blue—There's no time, Yuri is still stuck, I wasn't—
[ Flynn's breath hitches as guilt and anger crest over him again. He is trying so hard to master himself, to shove back the tide of feeling and focus on his task but it is so hard because all he can think, certainly loudly enough for Blue to pick up on, is Yuri grinning bloody at him in a matching jumpsuit, barefoot and armed only with a wrench, surrounded by bodies. ]
[Blue braces, clutching Flynn tighter in an effort to get his feet under him. once he can, that frees up his hands to clutch the sides of Flynn's head.]
Slow down. Breathe!
[Flynn's reeling, and he needs to stop. without meaning to, Blue begins to drink in some of that anguish, to try and pull it into himself and somehow stifle the intensity that is overwhelming for the both of them.
[ Flynn chokes out as the tide ebbs. His breath is coming hard and fast, ragged-edged like knives in his lungs, and the images flow thick like the blood in there: blood dripping from walls and floor, and Sleepers strung up like so much hanging meat, bled dry and weak, dying. Being attacked over and over again, running with nowhere to turn.
Thinking about it seems to release it in a strange way—Blue, he wonders, and then the thought is crushed under the slow clearing of his head like a dam released. He sucks in a steadier breath, opens his eyes. ]
[there is a great deal here to process. siphoning Flynn's dismay aside, there's no avoiding the horrible imagery that's caused it, and while Blue's blood is filled with vigor, his head is filled with violence and viscera, meat and misery.
the nightmares...Blue had thought those were nightmares, but...it's real, isn't it? real enough that Flynn was there.
and Yuri...still is? that expression was Yuri's?]
I thought I...dreamed that place... [he withdraws his hands from Flynn's face, moving to grasp his wrists.] That's why...you were gone.
[he tugs, stepping backward, meaning to draw Flynn further inside.]
[ But Flynn can't protest, not really, because his limbs are still shaky from that last spell, all his mana drained and gone, and his strength with it. It hadn't really worked like that at home but while his blood, the blood of Sleepers, makes his magic stronger, it also ties it into him in a way it never was before.
Which means he stumbles after Blue, lead-limbed and exhausted, half to keep them both up and half because he knows, inside, that he needs to sit and regroup. It's just that all his instincts are screaming at him to take a gel and keep going, because Yuri is trapped. ]
It wasn't a dream. I don't think it was, or—is, and... we woke up there. Together. Escaped from the chains they put us in, but were cornered by... I can only assume the people who brought us there in the first place. They're everywhere. Yuri won't last long, we could barely hold them off together, and if he dies there and comes back he'll be entirely helpless!
[somehow, with his omen's help, Blue is able to get Flynn onto the den's sofa, falling onto the cushion next to him. his brain buzzes in synch with Flynn's, but he fights against it, because he has to. when there is a wave of panic, it's Soldier's duty to rise above it and make the wisest calls.
he helps Flynn sit up and back against the cushion to keep him from fading in an uncomfortable position while he gets to his feet. the lion replaces him on the couch to put paws on Flynn's lap to keep him there while Blue goes to fetch water, having to walk through the haze of Flynn's chaotic visions to get there.]
Drink. [he returns and lifts Flynn's hand to meet the glass in Blue's.] Slow. Concentrate.
[ Like he's a child, like Hanks after his mother died, forcing him to eat because Flynn wouldn't leave the little stone they'd used to mark her urn. His head had been a haze then too, thoughts rushing over him like river-water, sending him tumbling into the current.
Blue's fingers are solid, though, and Flynn makes himself focus on cool glass under his fingers, on the orders. He's a soldier too, and orders cut through the morass. He is a good knight. He can listen.
He mouths the word understood against the rim and seals his fingers more tightly around it, drinks, slowly because Blue told him to even though he hasn't drunk anything in nearly 24 hours and he is parched, he realizes. ]
[there's a twofold relief in this scaling down: one is just the relief of no longer being barraged by such an intense state of mind - this is obvious. the other one is something he doesn't perceive, but his blood is warmed and body nourished by having had to take in so much all at once; it makes being on his feet easier, the pain of his body numbed.
while the lion stretches out his legs over Flynn's lap, taking up any remaining space on the couch, Blue opts to crouching before the knight, watching him with sharp, unblinking eyes.]
We'll get your strength back. When we do, we'll retrace the steps that led you there. And we'll get Yuri back.
Alright? We cannot do any of it in any other order than this.
[ This is the second time he has been pinned by that immovable bulk, but it is the first time Flynn has struggled against it, twisting against Lion's fur for a brief moment before the command in Blue's tone has him slumping back again with a harsh, bitten-off sound. ]
Understood.
[ The word is all teeth, bitter and sharp. Flynn swallows fiercely and tries not to think about Yuri's pale, determined face. ]
Blue—can you, do you think—you dreamed about that place?
[Blue remains at his feet, hands on Flynn's knees, watching, listening.
can you/do you/you dreamed...his thoughts are as scattered as his words. Blue presses his mouth into a thin line for a beat.
instead of answering to any of it, he gets back to his feet, taking the empty glass and leaving to refill it, returning in short order to set it back in Flynn's hands.]
[ It is probably for the best that Flynn is left alone for that moment. He is not yet at the point of tears: he is still full of a desperate and overflowing anger, burning hot like acid in his belly, and all he can do is curl his fingers into Lion's mane and lean down. Daisy is somewhere inside him, too weak yet to come out after all that blood loss, and so Lion is the only substitute, a thing of the real world keeping him grounded. ]
I left him.
[ This, murmured into Lion's fur, and then Blue comes back and Flynn lifts his head, taking the glass like a child. ]
[it's starting - the redirection of anger back in on himself. Blue can see it as easily as he feels it, coming to crouch before Flynn once again. it puts him near eye-level with how Flynn's bent over the stalwart, stationary lion.]
You didn't make that choice, Flynn. Because you wouldn't. That choice...was made for you, wasn't it.
[ There is a quiet and angry kind of desperation ringing in Flynn's voic. He needs to be responsible for this. He needs to be able to have done something about it, because the thing Flynn hates most, more than death and injustice and murder, is being powerless. He is terrified of the chaos of the universe, of a world where he is yanked to the whims of other people or sheer coincidence: there is a visceral kind of terror in it like staring into a blank void and hearing it call your name.
[the thing about that abyss is that refusing to accept it won't make it vanish, yet trying to alone is staggering. Blue could never, not on his own, and he can't expect Flynn to either.
but Flynn isn't alone.]
There are forces at play here, Flynn. Bigger than you. Me. All of us. There's...something sinister shifting among the moving city. It must be what ensnared you both, and those whose voices have reached me in dreaming.
Could you even...look me in the eye with certainty...and say you, I, or anyone can tear it down single-handed?
[ It bursts out of him all at once, sharp and short and full of anger at himself, and then Flynn shoves his head into Lion's mane and makes himself breathe, willing his voice not to shake. ]
It's—I've been trying to go up against forces greater than myself for years, Yuri was counting on me to change things and I'm here, which means I've already failed him once and now I fail him again—
[the lion hardly stirs, save for a twitching of whiskers and a flicking of an ear. on the other hand, Blue shifts, settling on his knees to better sit up closer. Flynn's fear-fueled frustration is like a burst of hot steam, and so it stays Blue's hand for a moment, but only a moment.
gently, he settles a comforting hand on Flynn's head.]
The only one...to speak to that is Yuri. Not you. [a pause.] Nor the Yuri...you are painting in your mind, right now. Laying all of your expectations into that shape, regardless of the true man you care about.
[ Flynn leans into that touch like a little kid, like a flower toward light. It has been so long since anyone touched him like this, since anyone cupped his head and let him sit like this, terrified and aching and unsure. He realizes with a startle that he can't quite remember when it was. His mother, possibly, but she hadn't touched him much in those final years, preferring her space. Hanks? But he was always the more back-slapping, quick-hug type, and Yuri—
Yuri, painted in his mind, weighed down by expectation.
Flynn wants to protest, but how can he? Yuri is always there, and Flynn expects—
Expects what?
He wants to ask Yuri, but he's not here. Flynn makes a hard sound in his own throat. ]
We have no idea what's happening. He might be, and the longer I sit here—
[that said, the lion shifts, catching onto Blue's intentions. the cat moves partly out of Flynn's lap, nosing the man's cheek before Blue can slip in the open space, rising up off his knees and wrapping his arms around Flynn's shoulders, bringing his face to the Mu's shoulder and returning his hand to the back of his head.]
It's enough. Flynn... [he swallows against a knot of emotion tightening in his throat.] You're doing enough. It...doesn't feel like it. But you are.
Enough that as Flynn is pulled close he goes stiff with surprise for a bare moment, sucking in a breath, and then he realizes he's done it and that Blue is pressing his head forward, letting its weight drop to his shoulder, and...
Flynn can't stay stiff in the face of that. Not even as he wars a moment with whether Blue can take his weight, not when he hasn't been held like this in even longer, most likely, in a way that makes him weak. His nose is squashed against Blue's shoulder, and his arms are warm and firm. After a moment of hesitation, Flynn lifts his own arm, wrapping it tight around Blue in turn, like he's carrying him except it's the other way around, isn't it?
What an odd feeling, not to be taking his own weight, to be close to someone who isn't Yuri. There are no layers of armor between them, and Flynn feels oddly bare for that reason alone, like he is smaller than he should be.
Doing enough, Blue says, and Flynn turns his head just a little, squeezing his eyes shut. ]
You're right. I know that.
[ Small, strained words. Flynn curls his other hand, sword-calloused fingers and all, into the lion's soft mane. ]
Of course you're right. I can't very well... rescue Yuri if I'm barely standing on my feet, but I can't— I almost lost him once, Blue. I can't...
If he comes back there they'll just kill him again. We have to do something.
[ Flynn's own voice is a shaky thing, tears welling up hot and fast. He shoves them down, though, because tears won't save Yuri right now. He can't make himself pull away, can't make himself do anything but lean uselessly on a person he is lucky to have, but he can do that much. Yuri wouldn't appreciate tears. He'd laugh at Flynn for crying, probably, and ask him what his plan was to fix it. ]
[no. not that. not that image. Blue actively pushes against that jeering vision of a Yuri who isn't even here, making an imposition upon Flynn he has, up until now, avoided doing. but right now? Flynn doesn't need to torture himself like this. he's already running on fumes.
sleep, he insists, and with that insistence, the will to press the rest of Flynn's reeling thoughts follows to force the man to give in, to rest. it means having to adjust to compensate for the weight sagging upon him, but with the lion's help, Blue is able to get Flynn into a position on that couch where he can sleep not uncomfortably. it does sap a lot of that free energy simply simmering in Flynn's emotions, so Blue himself has to rest as well, and that's why he winds up sitting on that couch with the man's head in his lap, his fingers still methodically brushing through his hair with a wish that it could prolong the spell he pushed upon him.]
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Blue—There's no time, Yuri is still stuck, I wasn't—
[ Flynn's breath hitches as guilt and anger crest over him again. He is trying so hard to master himself, to shove back the tide of feeling and focus on his task but it is so hard because all he can think, certainly loudly enough for Blue to pick up on, is Yuri grinning bloody at him in a matching jumpsuit, barefoot and armed only with a wrench, surrounded by bodies. ]
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Slow down. Breathe!
[Flynn's reeling, and he needs to stop. without meaning to, Blue begins to drink in some of that anguish, to try and pull it into himself and somehow stifle the intensity that is overwhelming for the both of them.
he draws his own breath slower.]
Please...
cw: the whole sleeper farm thing
[ Flynn chokes out as the tide ebbs. His breath is coming hard and fast, ragged-edged like knives in his lungs, and the images flow thick like the blood in there: blood dripping from walls and floor, and Sleepers strung up like so much hanging meat, bled dry and weak, dying. Being attacked over and over again, running with nowhere to turn.
Thinking about it seems to release it in a strange way—Blue, he wonders, and then the thought is crushed under the slow clearing of his head like a dam released. He sucks in a steadier breath, opens his eyes. ]
Yuri is still in there. I couldn't do anything.
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the nightmares...Blue had thought those were nightmares, but...it's real, isn't it? real enough that Flynn was there.
and Yuri...still is? that expression was Yuri's?]
I thought I...dreamed that place... [he withdraws his hands from Flynn's face, moving to grasp his wrists.] That's why...you were gone.
[he tugs, stepping backward, meaning to draw Flynn further inside.]
Sit. Sit...before you drop.
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[ But Flynn can't protest, not really, because his limbs are still shaky from that last spell, all his mana drained and gone, and his strength with it. It hadn't really worked like that at home but while his blood, the blood of Sleepers, makes his magic stronger, it also ties it into him in a way it never was before.
Which means he stumbles after Blue, lead-limbed and exhausted, half to keep them both up and half because he knows, inside, that he needs to sit and regroup. It's just that all his instincts are screaming at him to take a gel and keep going, because Yuri is trapped. ]
It wasn't a dream. I don't think it was, or—is, and... we woke up there. Together. Escaped from the chains they put us in, but were cornered by... I can only assume the people who brought us there in the first place. They're everywhere. Yuri won't last long, we could barely hold them off together, and if he dies there and comes back he'll be entirely helpless!
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he helps Flynn sit up and back against the cushion to keep him from fading in an uncomfortable position while he gets to his feet. the lion replaces him on the couch to put paws on Flynn's lap to keep him there while Blue goes to fetch water, having to walk through the haze of Flynn's chaotic visions to get there.]
Drink. [he returns and lifts Flynn's hand to meet the glass in Blue's.] Slow. Concentrate.
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Blue's fingers are solid, though, and Flynn makes himself focus on cool glass under his fingers, on the orders. He's a soldier too, and orders cut through the morass. He is a good knight. He can listen.
He mouths the word understood against the rim and seals his fingers more tightly around it, drinks, slowly because Blue told him to even though he hasn't drunk anything in nearly 24 hours and he is parched, he realizes. ]
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while the lion stretches out his legs over Flynn's lap, taking up any remaining space on the couch, Blue opts to crouching before the knight, watching him with sharp, unblinking eyes.]
We'll get your strength back. When we do, we'll retrace the steps that led you there. And we'll get Yuri back.
Alright? We cannot do any of it in any other order than this.
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Understood.
[ The word is all teeth, bitter and sharp. Flynn swallows fiercely and tries not to think about Yuri's pale, determined face. ]
Blue—can you, do you think—you dreamed about that place?
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can you/do you/you dreamed...his thoughts are as scattered as his words. Blue presses his mouth into a thin line for a beat.
instead of answering to any of it, he gets back to his feet, taking the empty glass and leaving to refill it, returning in short order to set it back in Flynn's hands.]
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I left him.
[ This, murmured into Lion's fur, and then Blue comes back and Flynn lifts his head, taking the glass like a child. ]
Blue. I left him there.
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You didn't make that choice, Flynn. Because you wouldn't. That choice...was made for you, wasn't it.
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[ There is a quiet and angry kind of desperation ringing in Flynn's voic. He needs to be responsible for this. He needs to be able to have done something about it, because the thing Flynn hates most, more than death and injustice and murder, is being powerless. He is terrified of the chaos of the universe, of a world where he is yanked to the whims of other people or sheer coincidence: there is a visceral kind of terror in it like staring into a blank void and hearing it call your name.
If he's responsible, at least he has power.
Otherwise? ]
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but Flynn isn't alone.]
There are forces at play here, Flynn. Bigger than you. Me. All of us. There's...something sinister shifting among the moving city. It must be what ensnared you both, and those whose voices have reached me in dreaming.
Could you even...look me in the eye with certainty...and say you, I, or anyone can tear it down single-handed?
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[ It bursts out of him all at once, sharp and short and full of anger at himself, and then Flynn shoves his head into Lion's mane and makes himself breathe, willing his voice not to shake. ]
It's—I've been trying to go up against forces greater than myself for years, Yuri was counting on me to change things and I'm here, which means I've already failed him once and now I fail him again—
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gently, he settles a comforting hand on Flynn's head.]
The only one...to speak to that is Yuri. Not you. [a pause.] Nor the Yuri...you are painting in your mind, right now. Laying all of your expectations into that shape, regardless of the true man you care about.
And he is not dead. Just...not here right now.
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Yuri, painted in his mind, weighed down by expectation.
Flynn wants to protest, but how can he? Yuri is always there, and Flynn expects—
Expects what?
He wants to ask Yuri, but he's not here. Flynn makes a hard sound in his own throat. ]
We have no idea what's happening. He might be, and the longer I sit here—
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[that said, the lion shifts, catching onto Blue's intentions. the cat moves partly out of Flynn's lap, nosing the man's cheek before Blue can slip in the open space, rising up off his knees and wrapping his arms around Flynn's shoulders, bringing his face to the Mu's shoulder and returning his hand to the back of his head.]
It's enough. Flynn... [he swallows against a knot of emotion tightening in his throat.] You're doing enough. It...doesn't feel like it. But you are.
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Enough that as Flynn is pulled close he goes stiff with surprise for a bare moment, sucking in a breath, and then he realizes he's done it and that Blue is pressing his head forward, letting its weight drop to his shoulder, and...
Flynn can't stay stiff in the face of that. Not even as he wars a moment with whether Blue can take his weight, not when he hasn't been held like this in even longer, most likely, in a way that makes him weak. His nose is squashed against Blue's shoulder, and his arms are warm and firm. After a moment of hesitation, Flynn lifts his own arm, wrapping it tight around Blue in turn, like he's carrying him except it's the other way around, isn't it?
What an odd feeling, not to be taking his own weight, to be close to someone who isn't Yuri. There are no layers of armor between them, and Flynn feels oddly bare for that reason alone, like he is smaller than he should be.
Doing enough, Blue says, and Flynn turns his head just a little, squeezing his eyes shut. ]
You're right. I know that.
[ Small, strained words. Flynn curls his other hand, sword-calloused fingers and all, into the lion's soft mane. ]
Of course you're right. I can't very well... rescue Yuri if I'm barely standing on my feet, but I can't— I almost lost him once, Blue. I can't...
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he gently and methodically strokes at Flynn's hair while the young man struggles with his words.]
Don't treat him...as though he were already lost. Even here...it's not a certainty.
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[ Flynn's own voice is a shaky thing, tears welling up hot and fast. He shoves them down, though, because tears won't save Yuri right now. He can't make himself pull away, can't make himself do anything but lean uselessly on a person he is lucky to have, but he can do that much. Yuri wouldn't appreciate tears. He'd laugh at Flynn for crying, probably, and ask him what his plan was to fix it. ]
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sleep, he insists, and with that insistence, the will to press the rest of Flynn's reeling thoughts follows to force the man to give in, to rest. it means having to adjust to compensate for the weight sagging upon him, but with the lion's help, Blue is able to get Flynn into a position on that couch where he can sleep not uncomfortably. it does sap a lot of that free energy simply simmering in Flynn's emotions, so Blue himself has to rest as well, and that's why he winds up sitting on that couch with the man's head in his lap, his fingers still methodically brushing through his hair with a wish that it could prolong the spell he pushed upon him.]
...I'm so sorry...Flynn...